It can get overwhelming to look someone in the face or reply to an email with "Yes, I'd love to. You can count on me." ...And even more overwhelming to stick to that commitment. On one hand, it's a great practice to push yourself forward into an environment you're unfamiliar with, or an environment in which you can allow yourself to shine in your strengths. Until you say "yes," these opportunities would lie dormant and the territory would remain uncharted. That's no fun. In my life, I want as many opportunities as possible to show others why I'm the greatest, but I can't be the greatest if I'm not giving my full attention.
"Yes" Can Get You into a Mess if You're Not Careful
At one point, I was VP of a group called The Society for Technical Communication... At age 23. At that time, I had a Bachelor's in Corporate Communications, so it kind of fell into my wheelhouse, even though it didn't fall into my expertise. I honestly didn't know what I was doing. Luckily, there were life-long members who were willing to do the work without the title, so it worked out that the amount of time I had available balanced with their level of knowledge and willingness to just present and host meetings. So, I had willing guides. What promoted me to say "yes" in this situation was, at that time, my inability to say "no," my desire to learn all the things, and a fascination with the personality of the President. Fast forward 5 years, and I'm glad I did because that President is now part of my close network and I have relied on her since for important career advice. I used other connections I made in the field for reference letters that led me to my current job. That "yes" was a value-add for me.
At another point, I was President of my sorority's alumni chapter. This is something I said "yes" to only because I had the inability to say "no" and I felt guilty for having it gone by the wayside; I felt it was either me or nobody (a false sense of responsibility). I had no interest in picking up the disassembled group, using an outdated member list, and forcing excitement in a group that was long-disenfranchised. In fact, the position was passed on to me because the past person was equally uninterested and cited the lack of support and interest as a big deterrent. Fast forward four years, and it was a booger to pass on to someone else; another willing and unknowing soul. In fact, it's not even listed on my LinkedIn profile; the topic nor the role played into my personal mission or career objectives. It was here when I learned if you're not excited about something, you're audience won't be excited, either. That "yes" was not a value-add to me.
The line has to be drawn somewhere. I feel like "Carpe diem" needs to come with an asterisk: Carpe Diem!*
*Only if your time, energy, and mission supports it.
Here's a Tool You Can Use
Do you have a hard time saying "no?" How do you know when to say "yes?" Has there ever been a time when you regret saying "yes?" Commitments can include voluntary leadership positions, extracurricular activities, time our with friends, or a one-off "Hey, will you do this for me?" request from a colleague. Use this the next time you wonder, "Should I? Should I not?" And the next time your gut is telling you "No" but you fight with your mind to make it say, "Yes."
If you use this, please share your experience(s). This has already gotten me out of taking over a local clean eating Meetup group that none of the other 400 members wanted to manage. Through this decision tree, I realized it was my perfectionism saying "Yes," not my resources or bon a fide interest.
If this image is difficult to read, please e-mail me and I will send it to you directly in PowerPoint format. Or, if you know of a way to link an image to a larger readable size, please leave that tip in the comments. (And don't use the decision tree for that request... Helping me is a hands-down wonderful decision. I should have included that...)
If you use this, please share your experience(s). This has already gotten me out of taking over a local clean eating Meetup group that none of the other 400 members wanted to manage. Through this decision tree, I realized it was my perfectionism saying "Yes," not my resources or bon a fide interest.
If this image is difficult to read, please e-mail me and I will send it to you directly in PowerPoint format. Or, if you know of a way to link an image to a larger readable size, please leave that tip in the comments. (And don't use the decision tree for that request... Helping me is a hands-down wonderful decision. I should have included that...)
You are Worth "No"
You are valuable. That means your skills, your time, and your decisions are to be respected and put to good use. To grow, you strategically, not haphazardly, give these resources away. By using the chart above, you can prove to yourself that some things are okay to say "no" to, because you're setting yourself up to be available for more value-add projects and opportunities.
Good straightforward model. This is a decision tool/heuristic with potential. One thing to note however, it's very much focused on the individual and what they perceive of the opportunity. In my opinion, the decision is about an opportunity ... either worth it or not. Your series of questions are predicated on the user having full knowledge of the opportunity being presented to them at the time. What if they don't know that much about it? What if they find out something new (that is bad) about the opportunity after beginning to work towards it? Therefore, my only add would be two small tweaks. First, incorporate some element of process for exploring an opportunity with incomplete knowledge ... in short, when is a wild-assed bet worth it? Where is risk in this model? Second, what do you do when you have to re-asses an opportunity mid-way through the journey?
ReplyDeleteright click on image and choose "open in new tab". this works in google chrome to see the bigger picture.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
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