"Nu-uh, I'm so good at all the things! Just tell me what you want done and I'll do it the best!" This is almost a direct quote from me. You want to know another almost direct quote from me? "I shouldn't get started on that, because I'm not sure how to do it perfectly."
Without even realizing it, I was constantly putting myself in impossible situations, and NOT putting myself in POSSIBLE situations. In her book, Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg aptly states, "Aiming at perfection causes frustration at best and paralysis at worst."
Excuse me while I pause, because my mind was just blown. So, you're saying that the tens of goal sheets I have, the filled-to-the-brim planner, and the number of groups I'm committed to is correlated to the anxiety I feel if I press snooze, the guilt I feel if I miss a plan or a workout, the obsessing over a piece of dust on the floor, and the events I commit to that I'm not even excited about?
It wasn't until LAST MONTH I even recognized I am a perfectionist. It was an epiphany (for me. It came no surprise to my closest confidants when I revealed this dark secret to them. Funny how others see things so clearly, huh?). Y'all, I have "relaxation" scheduled in my calendar. My first step to squashing perfectionism, actually, is creating this blog. Someone asked me, "Why haven't you started writing yet?" My answer? "I'm waiting for the perfect branding and layout. I have some great id---" I couldn't even finish my sentence before I noticed "that look" in their eyes and realized what I had done. And said out loud! THAT WORD had in one fell swoop permeated conversation and taken blame for me not doing something I love!
Did you know there are employers who don't hire interviewees that admit to being a perfectionist? When I first heard this, I thought it was absurd. But, as I've embraced the label and seen how the label has impeded some personal success, I am starting to come around.
"Perfect is a fancy word for procrastination"
Also today (can you tell the kind of day I've had??), confidence coach Trish Blackwell posted a video to Facebook and these were her exact words. Suddenly, I looked up and realized I hadn't done my weekly planning because I had draft after draft of the perfect new layout for my planner but nothing perfect enough to write on, so instead I waited a day so I could create a new draft... I hadn't worked out because I hadn't planned my workouts perfectly to hit the recommended 3x/week cardio, 2x/week strength training, 2x/week stretching, so instead I did 0 workouts... I hadn't gone grocery shopping because I hadn't planned out my weeks' worth of perfect hommemade Paleo foods, so instead I ordered in Chinese...
Please, watch the whole video here. It's embarrassing to admit, as a high-achiever, the most basics couldn't be accomplished, but that's the point. That's what perfectionism does. How many times have you put off starting a project, writing an email, or painting a craft because you didn't have the vision of perfection yet? Or, you had the vision, but failing was almost easier than achieving it?
Frustration with those around you
If it's not attainable for you to reach your lofty expectations for yourself, it's definitely not possible for other people. You don't clearly define expectations, you make assumptions about the resources and abilities available to them, and you expect them to accomplish what, ideally, you envision yourself accomplishing. They do their best, but you see flaws; they didn't give you the perfect report or they didn't perform their plank perfectly. Therefore, they failed. These are the only two options you see for yourself, and they're the only options you see in others. Eventually, those around you become afraid to tell you the truth
#aweekwithoutperfect
You know what, this has got to be killed. Nay, SLAUGHTERED. Walk along with me, and tag your experiences because I would love to share in your journey. For the next week, my internal focus will be to pinpoint perfectionist behaviors, thoughts, and vocabulary slip-ups within myself. Once I pinpoint what happened, the experience will get journaled, alongside a suggestion to myself of what could have been done or said instead.
Mother Yourself
You had a mother, or a mother-like figure. You may be like me and have had multiple mothers. The #aweekwithoutperfect experiment will be hard because the worst thing you can do to a perfectionist is point out the imperfections, even if that imperfection is perfection. (Got that?) So, this habit is a baby and it needs to grow through encouragement, hugs, and "go get 'em again, tiger." This is an experiment, and you're not being graded. You might be trying at perfection harder than you think.
If that's too soft of a solution, you can follow Kristin's advice, my friend who (appropriately) just got out of a kickboxing session: "Just tell perfection she's a bitch, and bitches get stitches, so GTFO."
Just find your groove and let's experiment. Together.
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